


Solace

by quaint_camera



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romantic Friendship, Season 1 Spoilers, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 19:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quaint_camera/pseuds/quaint_camera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Coda to episode 1.10.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Merlin tries a smile and uses his sleeve to dab at his face. "Thanks," he rasps. He's hoarse, voice soft, but Arthur doesn't say to man up like he usually does. Instead, his lovely blue eyes track a renegade tear as it rolls down Merlin's cheek and he looks away, embarrassed.</p><p>"I'll just... leave you alone now," he says quietly, and makes to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm rewatching season 1 of Merlin (NO REGRETS!). I swear, guys, I was just trying to make a gif... but then this surprise fic attacked me at midnight.

At least he has the comfort of his Mum's embrace, but it lasts only a few seconds. She gives him a searching look before slipping away to join the funeral party on its march back to Ealdor. 

Once she's safely out of sight, Merlin drops to the grass, clutching his knees to his chest. 

Will's service had made his insides feel like they were being squeezed tighter and tighter and he'd feared he would burst at any second. That or just explode.

He made it, though. Barely. Apparently he's gotten better at bottling himself up than he's realized during these past few months with Arthur.

_Arthur._

He wants to tear into a run, find the prince, confess everything. But he refuses to waste his best friend's final and most precious gift to him, no matter how much he wishes he could be honest with Arthur.

 

*******

 

The flames are a blur and he blinks to clear his vision, wondering when exactly the tears happened.

"We'll be heading out within the hour." The voice is authoritative, yet soft. Merlin closes his eyes and shivers when the familiar hand squeezes his shoulder. He looks up into Arthur's face; his expression is somber. "Just thought I would let you know."  _Give you time to collect yourself._

Merlin tries a smile and uses his sleeve to dab at his face. "Thanks," he rasps. He's hoarse, voice soft, but Arthur doesn't say to man up like he usually does. Instead, his lovely blue eyes track a renegade tear as it rolls down Merlin's cheek and he looks away, embarassed.

"I'll just... leave you alone now," he says quietly, and makes to leave.

"No," Merlin chokes, scrabbling to find purchase on Arthur's arm. "Please, no, Arthur, stay," he babbles.

He shouldn't ask it, but he can't stop himself. When he's this agitated, anything and everything could come spilling out and Merlin can't risk it, really just wants Arthur to _**GO AWAY**_ but he also _needs._ Arthur's arms, Arthur's presence, Arthur's strength. 

_Please, Arthur, hold me. Hold me. Please._

"I'm here, Merlin," Arthur assures him, calmly, kneeling so that their faces are a hair's-breadth away. "I'm _here_." He curls his hand around Merlin's knee and immediately Merlin feels a thousand times more solid. Grounded.

Still looking into his eyes, Arthur reaches around with his other hand and gently rubs Merlin's back. This kind of touching is rare between them, and the intimacy of it combined with Arthur's openness in giving it undoes Merlin completely. What defenses he has left are gone; he starts sobbing and just can't stop, crying so hard that it hurts.

He doesn't see Arthur's stricken look. Nor is he cognizant of how efficiently Arthur manuevers his limbs, twining the two of them together. 

Arthur sits and strokes the back of Merlin's head, petting through soft, dark curls, and lets him cry until he's empty.

 

*******

 

By sunset, the boys are exhausted, damp, and smell thoroughly of smoke, sweat, and woods. Arthur's sitting propped upright with Merlin still in his arms, head pillowed on Arthur's shoulder. His breath is soft and warm, tickling Arthur's throat with each exhalation.

The funeral pyre went out long ago and Merlin's been quiet for some time, but both are reluctant to end the solace they've found in each other.  The return to Camelot, however, is inevitable.

"Better?" Arthur murmurs into his hair, and Merlin squirms, both horrified and happy to feel his body responding to Arthur like this again.

"For now," Merlin whispers against Arthur's collarbone, curling his fingers further into the bloodred of Arthur's tunic. It sounds eerily like a premonition.

"Well..." Arthur sighs, not without sympathy. "For now, it will have to do."


End file.
